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All words are copyright © 2014–6 by Jerry James.

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Contents

  1. Can Ya Help Me?
  2. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
  3. She's Beautiful
  4. Loose Cannon and the Email Queen

Can Ya Help Me?

Yo! Kanye had a party and he used up all his dough.
He went to all his homies and he asked them for some mo’.
His friends just couldn’t help him, even though they’re very chill.
They all said, “Man, I just don’t have no 50 bleepin’ mil!”

He wasn’t gonna lie down on the floor and moan and groan,
So Kanye went to Zuckerberg and asked him for a loan.
Then Mark said, “Kanye, dude, you’re furs are definitely purty,
But I can’t help you, man, because I’m just too white and nerdy!”

So Kanye thought about all the fine folks that he called friends,
‘Cause maybe their saved money could be means to Kanye’s ends.
He thought he’d call up Taylor ‘cause she’d surely get his drift.
But then he realized that that idea was not too swift.

Now one of Kanye’s fans thought, “Hey, I’ll come and save the day!”
He started up a GoFundMe account where folks could pay.
But when he tallied up the loot to see how much he’d won,
Just $7000 were on hand for Kanye’s fun.

The day is looking dark for this fine modern incarnation,
Of Shakespeare, Newton, Einstein; he is fashion’s own salvation.
But don’t you worry overmuch for Kanye, the poor slob.
I hear that UK Pizza Hut has offered him a job.

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

The budget’s out of balance, but Trump will save the economy,
And all it takes is 7 percent growth, not merely 2 or 3.
The GAO says in the past we’ve never seen such rates before.
But Trump says that it will be so; who are you gonna believe more?

So, hey, let’s vote for Trump this year, check out his awesome governance.
Ignore those mean accounting folks who say he’s showing ignorance.
We’ll all have smiling faces as we sing a blissful, peaceful song.
With Trump in office, on the job, oh what could possibly go wrong?

Did you see that reporter who gave Trump some grief on live TV?
Trump got revenge on that man by mocking his disability.
He told Hispanics where to go, insulted Muslim refugees,
Said some misogynistic words, but they deserve the infamy.

Can you imagine Britain’s queen, receiving Trump with grace and flair?
I’m sure he’ll be well-mannered then, and maybe even comb his hair.
We’ll all have smiling faces as we sing a blissful, peaceful song.
With Trump in office, on the job, oh what could possibly go wrong?

Remember in the ‘90s how Trump tried to bring casinos in
To Florida, but Jeb Bush said, “No gambling, that would be a sin”?
Well, Trump says that he did not ask for loosened gambling in that state.
Do you believe old news reports, or Trump the gambling potentate?

I’m sure that Trump would never lie, or stretch the truth to hide his gaffes.
I think he’s pulling all our legs just so that he can get some laughs.
We’ll all have smiling faces as we sing a blissful, peaceful song.
With Trump in office, on the job, oh what could possibly go wrong?

All reasonable men must know Trump’s inevitability.
He’ll be the President and make the next Supreme Court nominee.
His friends are all great guys, oh yes, ‘cause Trump knows how to get the goods,
From smiling campaign donors who wear tasteful robes with matching hoods.

I have no worries, none at all, about those in his Cabinet.
They’ll all be quite experienced, and all thoroughly sane, I’ll bet.
We’ll all have smiling faces as we sing a blissful, peaceful song.
With Trump in office, on the job, oh what could possibly go wrong?

She's Beautiful

She wants to think she's beautiful,
And, oh, I know it's true.
She wants to think she's lovely,
But look at what they do.

Fie, Scarlett Johansson!
You can't deny it's true.
Whenever I say she's beautiful,
She compares herself to you.

She seeks for affirmation,
Something to tell her worth.
But her value is cruelly denied
By the culture of her birth.

Shame on you, Liv Tyler!
You know you've done it, too.
Whenever I say she's beautiful,
She compares herself to you.

Others do not understand,
They don't see the damage done.
Creation incarnate is told
That she's a worthless one.

Curse you, Demi Moore!
You've ruined her worldview.
Whenever I say she's beautiful,
She compares herself to you.

Although she tells me “thank you”,
She thinks I'm telling lies.
She just can't seem to believe,
I see it in her eyes.

Leave her alone, Heidi Klum!
I've had enough of you!
Whenever I say she's beautiful,
She compares herself to you.

Those harmful voices are so loud,
So here's what we should do.
Tell your daughters they're beautiful,
While they're listening to you.

Just go away, Beyoncé!
Find something else to do.
Whenever I say she's beautiful,
She compares herself to you.

Loose Cannon and the Email Queen

Loose Cannon and the Email Queen debated Monday night.
The conversation did not end in blows, at least not quite.
Civility was in quite short supply that evening.
The shouting did such damage, even now my ears still ring.

The Queen said that those evil rich folks do not pay their share,
So taking money from their pockets just has to be fair.
Loose Cannon thinks that we should let the money trickle down.
(I hope the trickle lets me pay for my wife’s evening gown.)

The Cannon said the Queen does not look very presidential.
The Queen said that appearance is somewhat inconsequential.
Then Cannon said he meant her stamina is rather lacking.
“And you,” the Queen shot back, “invited Russian email hacking!”

So on it went, with arguments about the start of ISIS,
And birtherism, taxes, heralding a major crisis.
The next debate is coming and this is what I foresee:
The Cannon will shoot off his mouth; the Queen will disagree.