Legal Notice

All words are copyright © 2015-6 by Jerry James.

I do not grant permission to redistribute the contents of this page. When people start passing this kind of thing around via email, some schmuck invariably decides to “improve” the content. (That's what happened to Gene Ziegler's poem, “A Grandchild's Guide to Using Grandpa's Computer”.) Also, I'm a software developer. That means that anything I write is liable to be updated to a later version some day. So if you want to share any of this content, just pass around the URL, not the actual content. That way everybody gets to see the latest version, and I don't have to track down somebody who ruined my work in the name of improving it.

You can send me suggestions for improvements and additions if you like, but if your suggestion consists of more than a few words, I won't be able to use it. Otherwise, we'd wind up with multiple copyright holders, and I just don't want to deal with that. Sorry.

Contents

  1. Revolutionary Limericks
  2. Set Theory for the Butterfly Enthusiast
  3. The Poem
  4. How to Play Minecraft
  5. Fun at the Neighborhood Caucus

Revolutionary Limericks

There once was a fledgling nation,
That was taxed without representation,
So they took the Brits’ tea,
Dumped it into the sea,
And found that it lacked in flotation.

“That Washington’s just an old stoat!”
Johann Rall once caustically wrote,
“'Safety first!' he said,
To the men that he led,
As he stood in the front of the boat!”

Benedict Arnold got a bad rap,
Though he really was quite a sap.
‘Twasn’t traitorous feelings,
That led to his dealings,
But merely the lack of a nap.

Set Theory for the Butterfly Enthusiast

If zero butterflies is what you net,
Then what you’ve got is an empty set.
If you catch a butterfly (oh, what fun!),
Then your set has cardinality one.
If a friend has a butterfly then (it’s true!),
The union of your sets has two.

If you’ve got a set of butterflies,
That once roamed free through azure skies,
Some stuck with pins and some with glue,
And some are orange and some are blue,
Then the intersection of two sets,
Is pinned orange butterflies. (They make great pets!)

If the blue butterflies are in your view,
But you remove those stuck with glue,
Then you’ve found the difference between,
The set of blues (know what I mean?),
And the set of glued insects, which is,
The pinned blue butterflies (gee whiz!).

If you’re looking at your set of blues,
And inexplicably you choose,
To think of them as somehow worse,
Then you know that the set inverse,
Is all the butterflies everywhere,
Except the ones beneath your stare.

The Poem

Welcome to The Poem, Part One.
I think that it will be quite fun.
Now this part is quite done and through.
Coming next: The Poem, Part Two.

This Poem has a lot to say,
But first let's get out of the way
Some business (now, please do not flee):
That's writing The Poem, Part Three.

Let's call that good, yes, that's a wrap.
(And I'll sneak off for a quick nap.)
Writing The Poem's been quite a chore,
So let's not go on to Part Four.

How to Play Minecraft

Punch some trees to get some wood.
Then make an axe. Yeah, that's good.
You're gonna need a pickaxe, too.
Now let me tell you what to do.

Don't you dare go out at night.
Zombies will give you quite a fright.
Just stay inside your little house.
And be as quiet as a mouse.

CREEPER!! (* Boom! *)

Now dig until you find some ore.
That's not enough; dig some more.
The coal is used to make a torch.
To hang outside on your front porch.

If you break through into a cave,
Lots of digging you will save.
Walk along the tunnel there,
But if there's lava, have a care.

AUUUGGGHHHH!!! (* Hisssssss *)

Fun at the Neighborhood Caucus

Caucus! I’ve never had so much fun.
Caucus! Watch the candidates run.
Caucus! We’re gonna have a ball.
Caucus! It’s a good time for us all.

No dumb flip-flopping candidate will get my vote this time.
I’ve met that kind before and they are all repugnant slime.
I want a candidate who’ll see that what I know is true.
And change his or her mind to match ideas in my worldview.

We’re looking for a person who is very presidential,
And is concerned for neighborhoods, ‘specially residential.
And who will save us from that other party of buffoons,
And save our businesses and save the fish in our lagoons.

My neighbor Bob is running for the county delegation.
He wants to hang out with the folks who handle legislation.
He says that we can trust him ‘cause he’s never been misled,
By the advice he gets from all the voices in his head.

Old William says that he’ll defend our glorious Constitution,
And help the victims who are all in need of restitution,
And lower taxes, but increase how much the guvmint spends.
It’s a good thing the Treasury’s flow of money never ends.

A vote for Sam’s a vote for national security,
‘Cause he’ll protect our laws in all their pristine purity.
But Sam says that a vote for Jim will send us all to hell,
‘Cause Jim’s so soft on crime he’ll empty out the county jail.

Caucus! I’ve never had so much fun.
Caucus! Watch the candidates run.
Caucus! We’re gonna have a ball.
Caucus! It’s a good time for us all.