Star Trek Parody Songs

Version 1.0

Legal Notice

Original lyrics are copyright © 2018 by Jerry James. All other lyrics are covered by their original copyrights. I have attempted to identify the copyright holders and the effective dates of the copyrights, as noted below. If my information is incorrect, please let me know and I will fix the attributions.

I do not grant permission to redistribute the contents of this page. When people start passing this kind of thing around via email, some schmuck invariably decides to “improve” the content. (That’s what happened to Gene Ziegler’s poem, “A Grandchild’s Guide to Using Grandpa’s Computer”.) Also, I’m a software developer. That means that anything I write is liable to be updated to a later version some day. So if you want to share any of this content, just pass around the URL, not the actual content. That way everybody gets to see the latest version, and I don’t have to track down somebody who ruined my work in the name of improving it.

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When Uhura Met Spock
Invisible Starship
I Don't Want Tribbles
His Name is Harry
The Starship Reliant
Mr. Q Guy
I'm Ferengi, Baby
Engineering's So Hard to Handle
I Am a Klingon Fighter
Oops! … I Made One Again

When Uhura Met Spock

I'm saying all the things the captain likes,
A good officer, real clean.
I gotta handle comms just right.
You know what I mean.

I saw our brand new number one.
His pointy ears were great.
There's nothing left to alert about.
I think it must be fate.

Let's get logical, logical.
I want to get logical.
Let's get into logical.
Let me hear your logic talk, your logic talk.
Let me hear your logic talk.

I've been well trained, yeah I'm good,
Tried to keep the bridge ship shape.
It's gettin' hard this holdin' back
From dating that green-blooded ape.

I'm sure you'll understand my point of view
After that really great mind meld.
Show me your keen intellect,
And to my arms you'll be impelled.

Let's get logical, logical.
I want to get logical.
Let's get into logical.
Let me hear your logic talk, your logic talk.
Let me hear your logic talk.

(Repeat that last chorus a few times.)

Invisible Starship

Well we've been waiting, waiting here so long
And thinking nothing, nothing can go wrong,
But now I know
We've got Romulans off our bow.
They snuck up on us somehow,
And now it seems they're shooting, they're shooting at us.

They seem to have an invisible starship.
They transport in, grab control of my crew.
They seem to have an invisible starship.
And I don't know just what I should do.

Don't know much about them, I only know they're mean.
They're crawling all over my ship, and breaking the machines,
And now I know
They've got something I just can't trust.
It's something mysterious.
And now it seems it makes them invisible.

They seem to have an invisible starship.
They're hiding out in plain sight right under my nose.
They seem to have an invisible starship.
They turn it on and I don't know where it goes.

They don't like losing. They'll stay and fight awhile.
Though they will mess up Enterprise, still watch me start to smile.
'Cause now I know
I have a built-in ability
To figure out what we should see,
And now it seems, I've beaten them, beaten them good.

They seem to have an invisible starship,
But when they shoot, their position is revealed.
They seem to have an invisible starship,
But when it moves too fast it warps the star field.

I Don't Want Tribbles

I see a boatload of furballs.
I see trouble on the way.
I see machines getting clogged up.
I see bad times today.

Don't open up that door.
You're bound to find some more.
I can't even see the floor.

I hear the sound of critters munching.
I know they'll have it eaten soon.
I fear that they are not done lunching.
I hear the sound of utter ruin.

Don't open up that bin.
They're bound to be therein.
You'll be buried to your chin.

I hope they've eaten all the bad grain.
I hope no human folks will die.
Looks like the Klingons are defeated.
Send them some tribbles by and by.

Oh don't open up that door.
You're bound to find a score.
I don't want tribbles anymore.
I don't want tribbles anymore.

His Name is Harry

Moving through the asteroid field, you're a purveyor of vice.
Got yourself some cargo. I suppose it's very nice.
With a step to your left,
And a flick to the right, resplendent in your sequined vest,
You know you're something special and you look like you're the best.

Chorus:
His name is Harry and he'll cheat you if he can.
He'll promise you the world, but robbing you's the plan,
And when he grins you know that he's a scheming man.
Oh Harry, Harry you think you are really grand.

I've seen you lie and cheat and I've seen you run from me.
Amongst a billion stars you can hide and be free.
But I'll bring you back to justice, true,
With shiny handcuffs that are just for you.

(Chorus)

Hey now, woo, look at that. Where did you get the cute girls?
Hey, men, look alive! At the mine we've arrived.
They make me feel alive, alive, alive.
I'll take my chance, 'cause luck is on my side or something.
I know what you're thinking.
I tell you something, I know what you're thinking.

(Chorus)

His name is Harry and he'll cheat you if he can,
And I might find him if I'm looking like I can.
Oh Harry, Harry hear them shout across the land.
The women will stay here, but now you have been canned.

The Starship Reliant

His name was Khan Singh. He was amazing,
With an incredible physique, and a brain that wasn't weak.
He was exiled with his compadres,
When they failed to realize his plan to snatch the Enterprise.
On Ceti Alpha V they fought to stay alive,
But then Ceti Alpha VI exploded
And Khan Singh lost his wife.

On the starship, starship Reliant,
Schemed that intellectual giant.
On the starship, starship Reliant.
A thirst for revenge left old Khan all unhinged.
On the starship, he hatched a plan.

Her name was Carol. She sure loved science.
She had a Genesis device that was cheap at twice the price.
But then came Khan Singh. That rascal stole it.
And then Carol and her son had to take it on the run.
They found a place to hide, but Chekov was inside.
He had the mother of all earworms,
But then it stepped outside.

On the starship, starship Reliant,
Flew the intellectual giant.
On the starship, starship Reliant.
A thirst for revenge left old Khan all unhinged.
On the starship, he looked for Kirk.

His name was James T. He was a captain,
Well in fact an admiral, but that seemed unnatural.
So with his green crew he searched for Khan Singh.
Their crippled ship, without a fuss, hid in a place that's nebulous.
And then torpedoes flew. Khan's ship was sliced in two.
So he set off the Genesis device anyway
But Bones knows who is who.

On the starship, starship Reliant,
Died that intellectual giant.
On the starship, starship Reliant.
A thirst for revenge left old Khan all unhinged.
On the starship, don't look for Kirk.

Mr. Q Guy

The Enterprise is running fine.
There's not a Borg in sight.
We stopped fighting, and now space is so inviting,
But you know it won't always be this way-ay-ay-ay.

Who's that standing on the bridge?
His dress is so outlandish. Troi is screaming
And our visitor is beaming.
Mister Q Guy is with us here today-ay-ay-ay.

Mister Q Guy please tell us why
You had to cause us so much trouble (trouble).
Where did we go wrong?

Hey Riker, you pretty face,
You can't join the great Q race.
It's too grating, so tell Q to keep on waiting,
Mortals like you and me can't be like him-im-im-im.

Mister Q Guy please tell us why
You had to cause us so much trouble (trouble).
Where did we go wrong?

Hey there Mister Q.
What are we to do with you?
Look around, see what you do.
You keep blowing up my crew.

Mister Q Guy.
Mister Q Guy.
Mister Q Guy, why?

Mister Q, you did it right.
You let go of your might.
But now the others,
Want to know about Q mothers.
Never mind, I'll remember you this,
I'll remember you this way.

Mister Q Guy please tell us why
You had to cause us so much trouble (trouble).
Where did we go wrong?

Hey there Mister Q.
What are we to do with you?
Look around, see what you do.
You keep blowing up my crew.

Mister Q Guy.

I'm Ferengi, Baby

You know the money I came for?
It's not enough; I want more.
Then you showed up with plans in store,
And now you're in my way.

I'd trade my mother for a buck.
I don't believe that it's bad luck.
I wasn't looking for a schmuck,
But now you're in my way.

Your ship was blocking.
First Officer started rocking.
Opportunity started knocking.
Where you think you're going captain?

Hey, I just met you and this is crazy,
But don't forget, I'm Ferengi, baby.
I'll rip you off. No, I'm not lazy,
So don’t forget, I'm Ferengi, baby.

Hey, I just met you and this is crazy,
But don't forget, I'm Ferengi, baby.
And all the other races just say maybe,
But you are human and I'm Ferengi, baby.

That energy device is cool.
I played you for an utter fool.
You know Ferengi rule!
But still you're in my way.

I beg and borrow and steal
All the time so don't squeal.
I didn't know you would feel it,
But it's in my bay.

You were in hot pursuit.
I thought that was a hoot.
How do you fit in that suit?
Where you think you're going captain?

Hey, I just met you and this is crazy,
But don't forget, I'm Ferengi, baby.
No life support, the air is hazy,
But don't forget, I'm Ferengi, baby.

Hey, I just met you and this is crazy,
But don’t forget, I'm Ferengi, baby.
We could make an alliance maybe,
But you are human and I'm Ferengi, baby.

You took back the energy device.
I miss it so bad.
I miss it so bad.
I miss it so so bad.

You took back the energy device.
I miss it so bad.
And you should know that.
I miss it so bad.

It's hard to escape you captain. But don't forget, I'm Ferengi, baby.

Hey, I just met you and this is crazy,
But don't forget, I'm Ferengi, baby.
And all the other ships try to chase me,
But you are human, and I'm Ferengi, baby.

You took back the energy device.
I miss it so bad.
I miss it so bad.
I miss it so so bad.

You took back the energy device.
I miss it so bad,
And you should know that,
I'm Ferengi, baby.

Engineering's So Hard to Handle

Captain, here I am.
I'm your man on the scene.
I can give you all the power you want,
But you gotta find dilithium for me.
I have got some antimatter,
And I got some more in store.
If we don't keep that stuff contained
Then we're gonna blow up for sure.

Invading aliens that come by the dozen,
Saboteurs and your evil cousin,
Captain, keep your firefights out of here please,
'Cause Engineering's so hard to handle now.
Yes, it is.

You need a great engineer
And I'm a man of great experience.
I know you've got another candidate,
But I can do it better than him.

Look at all these complex diagrams.
I'm gonna prove every word I say,
So if you can't understand what you see
Then you can just inquire of me.

Q and Borg that come by the dozen,
Klingons with their phasers buzzin',
Captain, keep your firefights out of here please,
'Cause Engineering's so hard to handle now.
Yes, it is.

Yeah.
Hard to handle now.
Captain!

Captain, here I am.
I'm your man on the scene.
I can quickly make repairs,
But you've gotta do something for me.
I have got some great ideas,
And I get more all the time.
But if you don't give me time to fix stuff,
Then you're gonna have to hear me whine.

Passengers we cart by the dozen,
AIs run amok that start in shovin',
Captain, keep your firefights out of here please,
'Cause Engineering's so hard to handle now.
Yes, it is.

Hard.
Hard to handle now.
Oh, yeah yeah yeah.

Holodeck creatures that come by the dozen,
Ferengi with their mouths a-buzzin',
Captain, keep your firefights out of here please,
'Cause Engineering's so hard to handle now.
Yes, it is.

Yeah.
Hard to handle now.
Oh, yeah.

Captain, a good bulkhead
Will do wonders.
Oh, oh, good bulkhead.
I need a good bulkhead.
I gotta handle, oh, yeah.
Ah, yeah.

I am a Klingon Fighter

I used to keep my phaser set on stun,
Didn't want to vaporize anyone,
So I stood quietly, took orders politely.
I guess that I forgot my heritage,
Forgot all about my parentage.
I was so passive, but my arms are massive.

You told me to stand down, but hey!
Now I've got fighting words to say.
You remember that gun I've got?
It turns out that it can shoot a lot.
You told me to stand down, but hey,
I'm gonna shoot some more bad guys today.
I see it all, I see it now.

Well I am a Klingon fighter
And you're too much whiter
'Cause I am a Klingon so I'm gonna shoot some more.
Badder, badder than Orion
'Cause I am a Klingon so I'm gonna shoot some more.
Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap zap
Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap zap
Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap zap
I'm gonna shoot some more!

Now I'm fighting bad guys hand to hand,
Chose a rocky place to make my stand.
You're just a zero, but I'm a hero.
You told me to stand down, but hey!
Now I've got fighting words to say.
You hear that sound, it sounds just like a whine.
Well that's just Troi, but really she is fine.
You told me to stand down, but hey,
I'm gonna shoot some more bad guys today.
I see it all, I see it now.

Well I am a Klingon fighter
And you're just a blighter,
'Cause I am a Klingon so I'm gonna shoot some more.
Anti-grav makes it look like I'm flyin'
'Cause I am a Klingon so I'm gonna shoot some more.
Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap zap
Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap zap
Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap zap
I'm gonna shoot some more!
Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap zap
Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap zap
Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap zap
I'm gonna shoot some more!
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang!

Well I am a Klingon fighter
This shirt can't get tighter,
'Cause I am a Klingon so I'm gonna shoot some more.
Taking out bad guys without even tryin'
'Cause I am a Klingon so I'm gonna shoot some more.
Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap zap
Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap zap
Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap zap
I'm gonna shoot some more!
Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap zap
Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap zap
Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap zap
I'm gonna shoot some more!

Oops! … I Made One Again

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.

I think I made one again.
Went onto the holodeck with my friends.
Oh, shucks!
It might be coincidence,
But an accident just don't make sense,
'Cause to make a new lifeform,
That is just so typically me.
Another AI!

Oops, I made one again.
Some wires got crossed, a consciousness born.
Oh, sorry captain!
Oops, it's trying to win,
Take over the ship.
Maybe it's innocent.

You see, my problem is this:
I'm dreaming away
Wishing that AI would truly exist.
I try, watching the news
To learn about tech that is of some use.
To make one by accident,
That is just so typically me.
Oh, captain, oh.

Oops, I made one again,
Algorithmically fine, its morals built-in.
Oh, sorry captain!
Oops, it thinks it should last,
Not get shut off real fast.
Maybe it's innocent.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.

“All through the arch!”
“Data, before you go, there's something I want you to have.”
“Oh, it's well constructed, but isn't this …?”
“Yes, yes it is.”
“But I thought Geordi had it up in Engineering.”
“Well, Data, I went there and got it for you.”
“But, I thought you couldn't leave the holodeck.”

Oops, I made one again casually,
Got lost in this game, oh captain.
Oops, it thinks that it has civil rights.
Maybe it's innocent.

Oops, I made one again.
I spoke a wrong word, and started a game.
Oh captain, captain.
Oops, it thinks it's a god.
Well isn’t that odd? Maybe it's innocent.

Oops, I'm filled with chagrin.
The mainframe is lost, the AI's gotten in.
Oh captain, captain.
Oops, it's controlling the ship.
Well, that was a slip!
Maybe it's innocent.

Star Trek Parody Songs

Version 1.0

Legal Notice

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